


Of Promiscuous Clothing

by Zuzanny



Category: Original Work
Genre: Fic from 2002, silliness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-28
Updated: 2020-09-28
Packaged: 2021-03-07 22:55:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 630
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26705584
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zuzanny/pseuds/Zuzanny
Summary: A silly little essay/article I wrote to amuse myself over my own ironic situation.





	Of Promiscuous Clothing

Of Promiscuous Clothing.  
by Zuzanny

may 2002

Have you ever wondered what your clothes are doing while you are not wearing them?

Have you ever woken in the morning to find a very curious stain on a shirt that had been perfectly clean before you went to bed?

Just how much truth is there in those detergent adds where the clothes play on the street like children, before running home to jump in the washer before any suspicion can be laid?

Personally, this was something that I had never put much thought to until my father announced to me that the reason I was on the receiving end of so much unwanted male attention was not because of my bright personality, but because my clothes were so 'promiscuous'.

Huh? That's interesting.

What exactly is 'promiscuous' anyway? According to the Phoenix Classmate Dictionary (17th edition, completely revised November 1992), it means "indiscriminate, loose in morals." So basically my father was saying my clothes were "slutty".

At first I was quite offended, because in my opinion tank-tops and comfortable work pants are rather tom-boyish, and are not at all 'promiscuous'. I'm sure my cargo pants would also be offended at such a suggestion. Especially since neither my tops or bottoms are tight fitting like the fashion, nor do they make my bust pop up. (Okay, granted I do have clothes that do that, but I only wear them when the desired effect is to attract attention and when I am in a situation where I WANT to potentially 'pick up'. Which is not that often at all. And those clothes are not my ordinary clothes which my father was referring to.)

My irritation began to grow as other members of my family began to join in with my father's proclamation. Eventually I had had enough and just had to set the record straight. The unwanted attention only came from male customers at my work - while I was wearing the work polo-top and apron- not from the street while I was in my quite rather daggy attire.

This has shut them up for a while. But we'll see how long that lasts.

It also got me thinking... Perhaps I did wear promiscuous clothing, but it was not my normal attire that was going out and doing the dirty, it was my work clothes!

What a thought. Wow. So my work clothes were going out and prostituting themselves to other clothes. In return for what? Fabric softener? It's possible, I suppose. Not likely, but possible. And what about my socks? After a wash I am always coming up short at least one. The next day or so I will find it sitting somewhere around the house looking quite innocently at me as if to say, 'I was here all along', but had really been out all night doing illicit and devious things with other missing socks from around the neighborhood. Then because of my work clothes night-time activities, the males of my kind would become instantly attracted to me, like there are pheromones involved that I am completely unaware of.

Do Target know of the potential harm promiscuous clothing could inflict upon their unsuspecting wearers? Just how many women out there have males making passes at them because their clothes have been naughty? What about the damage done to the clothes that are not promiscuous? Have their labels been slandered by association of fabric, colour and/or design? Nobody ever thinks about that do they. Or what we as wearers can do to make sure that our clothes behavior does not effect those around us. What about other clothes stores, do they know what clothes are capable of? Perhaps they are. Perhaps that's why all the labels all say 'wash before wear'.

the end


End file.
